“Are You Unhappily Married?”
- In a 2014 (6 years ago) poll by the National Opinion Research Center, 6 out of every 10 married couples are unhappy, and 4 out of every 10 are thinking about divorce.
- The reasons for their unhappiness are… lack of communication, lack of common interests, no sex, feeling bored, etc.
- In her article, Larson included quotes from individuals who said things like “people don’t know what they’re getting into,” “marriage isn’t natural,” and“people fill in the blanks with what they want marriage to be.”
- In researching, “The New I Do” by Vicki Larson and Dana Adam Shapiro, they feel that they have uncovered a variety of unconventional ways that couples are starting to come together. They quote “It was as refreshing as it was surprising” (Bro. Ron says…Refreshing? REALLY?”).
Here’s what they found:
- Couples can live in separate houses and be just as committed as if they live in one.
- Couples can have outside lovers and be just as committed to their spouse as a monogamous husband or wife.
- Couples can marry for reasons other than love (like marrying for money and financial security or to have children) and have a happy relationship.
- Couples can marry for a short time and still call their marriage a success when they go their separate ways.
- Couples can marry for reasons other than wanting to have children and call themselves a family.
- Couples can raise children successfully together even if they are not in love with each other.
- Can I puke now? After reading this article, I now know why the world is so messed up. They follow leaders in society that contradict themselves, and have no thoughts concerning God and His final authority on the subject of marriage.
- The world thinks the exact opposite of God. For a Christian to follow the advice of a friend or co-worker or article more than God’s advice is totally unhealthy.
- Look at our text here in Amos 3:1…Hear this word that the LORD hath spoken against you, O children of Israel, against the whole family (Judah and Israel, the 12 tribes) which I brought up from the land of Egypt, saying,
- I want you unhappy couples to hear this morning the Word of the LORD.
- In verses 2-8, the LORD (God) asks some serious questions here to Israel to show that certain things in nature have certain results.
- God gave His people a prophet (Amos) to preach to His children. The people were to listen and be obedient. Instead, they tried to silence the prophet.
I. Can Two Walk Together, Except They Be Agreed?
A) Who are “they?”
- As we look at verse 3 (KJV) …Can two walk together, except they be agreed?
- Who are “they?” Who are the “two” that God is talking about?
- Not taking the words here out of context, “they” are God and His children.
- In case you do not know…when you believe in God and make Him your sole reason for living, you are “married” to God.
- In this O.T. passage here God is not happy with His marriage to Judah and Israel. WHY?
- While Israel loved God and followed His commandments, God loved them back and blessed them.
- God was holy but, Israel and Judah became unholy.
- Israel and Judah separated themselves from God. So now God will separate Himself from them.
- Amos 3:2…You only have I known of all the families of the earth: therefore I will punish you for all your iniquities.
- Remember the word “known” means an intimate relationship with.
- Israel and Judah no longer wanted an intimate relationship with God. They wanted to have God as a friend, as a “fall back” when they had nothing else to do, or no one else to protect them, or no one else to talk to.
B) What is the answer?
- The question God poses is “Can two people walk together, except they be agreed?” The question when restated is “Can two people walk together if they do not agree?” NO!
- The opposite question is “Can two walk together if they agree?” YES!
- We further must know that this verse 3 is not really a question but a statement of a fact.
- Two cannot walk together unless they agree.
- You have two choices to make when you cannot agree.
- Walk away, separate, or divorce.
- Come to an agreement.
- What was God’s choice with Judah and Israel in verse 2…You only have I known of all the families of the earth: therefore I will punish you for all your iniquities.
- Also note verse Amos 3:14…That in the day that I shall visit the transgressions of Israel (The day God chooses to bring judgment upon those who abandon His Law) upon him I will also visit the altars of Bethel: and the horns of the altar shall be cut off, and fall to the ground.
- When God punishes His children and they continue to disobey, He divorces them.
- HUSBANDS DIVORCE WIFE – God further has allowed divorce to be issued when two cannot agree… Deuteronomy 24:1…When a man hath taken a wife, and married her, and it come to pass that she find no favour in his eyes, because he hath found some uncleanness in her: then let him write her a bill of divorcement, and give it in her hand, and send her out of his house.
- The word “uncleanness” is ʿerwâ in the Hebrew language meaning… flaw, dislike, shame or blemish.
- GOD DIVORCES ISRAEL – Jeremiah 3:7…And I said after she (Israel) had done all these things, Turn thou unto me. But she returned not. And her treacherous sister Judah saw it. 8) And I saw, when for all the causes whereby backsliding Israel committed adultery I had put her away, and given her a bill of divorce; yet her treacherous sister Judah feared not, but went and played the harlot also.
C) What is the result?
- If you cannot agree with God or your spouse and choose to continue in disagreement… the result is unhappiness, troubles, despair, heartache, depression, struggles, and unsatisfaction.
- Not only does a disagreeing couple cause issues between themselves, but they also cause issues with those around them.
- God wants His children to be blessed (happy) when they come to worship Him. Blessed (happy) when they come together. Blessed (happy) when they produce and raise children.
- Love is togetherness, unity, and agreement.
- Hate is disagreement, separation, divorce.
- Staying together when you do not agree is a disaster waiting to happen.
II. How Can I Be Happily Married?
A) Choose to agree
- I want us to also notice that when you choose to disagree with your spouse or God then you become an adversary (enemy). This is why countries go to war…they cannot agree with one another.
- Fights break out because people cannot agree.
- Look at what Jesus said in Matthew 5:25… Agree with thine adversary quickly, whiles thou art in the way with him (while you are walking, talking, and doing things together); lest at any time the adversary deliver thee to the judge, and the judge deliver thee to the officer, and thou be cast into prison (or suffer separation, divorce).
- Christ said to agree with your spouse or Him when there is a disagreement. DO IT HOW? QUICKLY!
- Why quickly? Because all involved will become affected and ruined.
- Quickly because the longer you put it off trying to reach a resolve may cause bitterness and resentment towards the other.
B) A perfect example
- Look to I John 5:8…And there are three that bear witness in earth, the Spirit (God), and the water (The Holy Spirit), and the blood (Jesus): and these three agree in one.
- Do you know why these three have stayed together since the beginning of time? They agree with one another.
- Do you want a lasting relationship? Agree together.
- I will close with this…
- In the book, Anger, Handling a Powerful Emotion in a Positive Way, Dr. Gary Chapman, provides the following 6 tips/steps for handling Anger Agreements:
- Acknowledge that you are angry. Anger is a perfectly natural emotion and when dealt with properly can lead to positive change. So there is no need to deny that you are angry and suppress it. After all, the first step to solving a problem is to first acknowledge that you have one.
- Make an agreement that you will acknowledge that you are angry to each other. Ahh yes!!! Don’t walk around silently festering and plotting. Don’t make your mate guess what’s wrong with you. Agree that if you are angry, you will express how you are feeling with each other.
- Don’t go off on each other.Seriously, do you really think that exploding on each other is going to make things better? Don’t cuss each other out, don’t call names, and don’t get physically violent with each other. None of these things will solve your problem. They will only make matters worse. I mean really, if you just cussed me out and called my mama a name, I probably will not want to hear anything else you have to say (even if you are right.)
- Listen to each other before jumping to conclusions. Allow your spouse to explain before you go and make assumptions. Chances are, your spouse will be able to provide you with a good explanation and additional details that could clear the matter up or shed some light on the situation.
- Work on a solution together and compromise. Don’t just leave the situation unresolved. You now have all of the facts because you LISTENED to each other; you allowed your spouse to explain. Now work together to find a solution that works for the both of you (a compromise.)
- Say I love you at the end. After you have come to a resolution, don’t end this process without confirming your love for each other. How about a hug (and I am not talking about one of those loose hugs and a pat on the back…I am talking about a real embrace.) Seal it with a kiss. And say I love you to confirm that no matter what….we are still partners, we are still lovers, and we are still friends.
- As we read earlier the words of Jesus in Matthew 5:21…Ye have heard that it was said by them of old time, Thou shalt not kill; and whosoever shall kill shall be in danger of the judgment:
- Notice verse 22…But I say unto you, That whosoever is angry with his brother without a cause shall be in danger of the judgment:
- When people disagree it is the spark that lights the bonfire of anger.
- Some people would say “I am angry or disagree with this and I have a good reason (cause).”
- We have to be careful with the words… “without a cause.” Everyone believes that they are justified in their anger towards others. Everyone believes that they have a perfectly good reason to disagree.
- When a disagreement or anger leads to destruction or separation, it is not justified by God.
- Ephesians 4:26…Be ye angry, and sin not: let not the sun go down upon your wrath (Do not go to bed angry) 27) Neither give place to the devil.
CHOOSE TO AGREE, and stay happily married to God and your spouse!